拿不起来, 放不下去

just now, while having dinner with joelle at home...
joelle looked at me and asked: "b ah, 你是不是不喜欢这分工作了?"
me: "why u ask?"
joelle: "see you always looked so tired, 很象很辛苦..."
me: "工作多又忙, 你又一直不舒服"
(in my head: "我快要爆炸了")

recalled regine asked me today ""brather, you ok bor?"
i answered: "我快要爆炸了"...
then i tell regine it feels like carrying a bag up a mountain. the mountain, so high. the bag, so heavy. put down the bag, then there is no point climbing the mountain liao. put down the bag and stop climbing, what if it floods? those living at the foot of the mountain will get drowned...
真的是拿不起来, 放不下去...

whatever...